Torn

 

There are two parts to ever heart.

 

The part that knows what it is.

 

And the part that knows what it is suppose to be.

 

Daily there is a battle, it is fierce, it is constant, and it is for everything.

 

All chips on the table, you read them and weep.

 

What will become of me. What will become of my heart.

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

Romans 7:15

 

The struggles are in everything we do.

Every word spoken.

Every thought allowed.

Every little action.

And emotion felt.

 

For me, I have struggled with a spirit of timidity.



 

I have found that the more I allowed myself to let these emotions fester, the worse they got.

To the point where I wouldn't even want to go into a store I had never been in before.

This of course is a silly thing.

I have felt from a young age that my heart was meant to be free.

Not free from love or order, or emotions.

But free from the constraints of the world.

 



 

Some people have hearts that are bound my form. Their hearts are of such that they always know the proper thing to do. Their hearts rejoice in the comfort of know how to act and how to make others feel at home. A most valuable sort of heart to be sure. Not bound in the sense of  shackles but of the sense of a great a mighty mountain. Who will never go far, and will certainly never fly. Yet it is no less. It is a haven to many wild creatures, a comfort and guide to travelers.                                     

 

 

All this to say that I am indeed not one of those souls.

As much as I would like to be

I am not.

 

 

 

I am of the kind that longs to run through wild fields.

And climb great mountains.

And to live each day in the most adventurous way one possibly can.

 

 

This however does not come from a spirit of fear.

 

 

for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and of self control.

2 tim 1:7

 

 

This is my struggle.

One of many.

 

 

There is a song by a wonderful Christian band called Chasing the Son

The song is called Up in Smoke

this first line goes like this

 

 

" My nature defies my hearts desire,

so why do i do that which I hate,

 

I need a Savior to rescue me from my self

for I see no escape"

 

 

 

I need a rescuer ever day.

One that can break off the changes I would bind myself with

and free my heart to fly

 

that is something that only our dear Lord can do

I use the example of myself because it is a story I know

 

Every ones story is different

and ever ones the same

 

we are all in great need

we need someone to slay the dragon around our souls

because no one was ever became who they were suppose to be trapped in a tower.

 

I digress into a fairy tale analogy because it rings with truth I think anyone can ever understand.

 

The Prince could not rescue his princess until he himself is free

A princess can never live a life of love trapped all by herself

 

 

 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Romans 7:22-25

 

 

We are no longer sin

but free people

who serve the mighty and just King.

 

 

So as I sit here in front of a computer, legs Indian style, drinking a caffeine coke, I do not feel particularly adventurous.

 

Sometimes its simply enough to rest in the comfort of knowing God.

 

As we go through our lives, we must surrender day by day our bandages

and let the love of Christ give us wings.

 

I pray that for you and for me.

 

 

 

Until next time

Quippy